


i'm not going back

by stilinscry



Series: nct drabbles [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-29 21:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10145132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinscry/pseuds/stilinscry
Summary: lee taeyong is the one exception when it comes to moon taeil's problems





	

To say that Moon Taeil has problems expressing his emotions would be the understatement of the century. He’s always struggled with it, ever since he first learnt how to speak and he can safely say that in his 23 years of life nothing has really improved. His friends know, how could they not, and they accept it but that doesn’t help soothe Taeil’s worries that he should learn to be a bit more… forthcoming about what he’s feeling. 

He puts up a fun front when they’re on camera; playing with his dongsaengs and acting like the good hyung people expect him to be but deep down he knows that if any of the members came to him asking for help or advice he would be beyond useless. If he can’t even tell people what he’s feeling how is the hell is he supposed to help anyone else. 

The other members joke about it sometimes, about his lack of emotions and Taeil laughs it off because he can’t do anything else, can he? 

It finally comes to a head when they’re sat around the ‘campfire’ filming for the next series of NCT Life. He apologises for his inability to express himself and he promises that he’ll try to be better, if not for himself but for the other members. He doesn’t miss the soft looks that get sent his way and he ducks his head, staring down at the grass clenched between his fingers as the focus moves away from him and back to whatever the PD’s are saying. 

He doesn’t think about what he’d said for the rest of the evening, his mind focussed on more important things like where they’re all going to sleep and how they’re going to stop Donghyuck from raiding the kitchen in the middle of the night. It’s only when Taeyong pulls him outside as everyone climbs under their duvets that his words come back to him because there’s an exception to them. There’s one exception to everything when it comes to Taeil and that would be one Lee Taeyong. He’s the one factor that throws everything Taeil knows out of the window. 

Even now, as Taeyong pulls him down the corridor and into the (thankfully empty) living room, his hand wrapped tightly around Taeil’s wrist, he can feel his face starting to warm up. It’s ridiculous: Taeyong is barely touching him and yet Taeil is still flustered beyond belief. He pulls him down to the floor and they end up sat facing each other, Taeil with his legs crossed whilst Taeyong spreads his out. Taeil’s expecting your typical leader-member talk, probably about his words earlier so he’s surprised when Taeyong goes for something completely different. 

“Sorry, I know you were gonna go to bed but I uh – I wanted to get this out whilst I had the opportunity. What you said at the campfire got me thinking because you’re so tough on yourself sometimes and you really don’t need to be. You’re a good hyung to all of us, especially to the younger ones and yeah, okay, you aren’t exactly the best with emotions and stuff but you do enough. You are enough. For us I mean. You don’t need to be better because you’re already good the way you are.”

He watches as Taeyong fiddles with his hands in his lap and when he looks up he notices that there’s a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. It’s cute, Taeil thinks, and it’s only when Taeyong blinks, staring up at him with an open mouth that Taeil realises he said that out loud. He said it before but he really falls to pieces when it comes to Taeyong. 

“If it’s any consolation, I get the same way with you hyung,” Taeyong says and yet again Taeil curses his brain to mouth filter. The way Taeyong’s looking at him is soft, it’s gentle and Taeil could really get used to this, especially the way Taeyong tentatively reaches out for his hand so he can tangle their fingers together. “I really like you Taeil. You don’t need to better yourself because you’re already perfect, just the way you are.”

The way Taeyong says it, with so much strength behind it, makes Taeil think that maybe he’s right. 

**Author's Note:**

> i rlly love moon taeil and lee taeyong (and all my other nct biases) i hope y'all know
> 
> as always hmu on twitter @dcnghyucks and read my other nct fics,,,


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